Resistance is the Source of Suffering
Suffering is already a rejection of the current situation, a lack of acceptance of the current situation as it is. — Rupert Spira
I write this in the midst of my fourth illness in six weeks. I had hoped to become more immune over the course of the program, but the opposite appears to be the case. The symptoms are familiar: intermittent fever, fatigue, rasping cough, and sinus congestion so extreme I can't sleep at night.
When I felt it coming on, I decided this round would be different in one regard: I would offer no resistance to it whatsoever. I felt no guilt when I took two days rest from my volunteering responsibilities. I performed all my practices as best I could, making no comparison to previous days. When I couldn't sleep I didn't toss and turn, grow frustrated, or look at my phone — I sat up and meditated until I was blessed with just enough airflow to fall asleep. Neither complaint nor rumination crossed my mind. The difference from the previous month's cycle of illness was stark:
- I had far more energy for my daily activities despite similar physical symptoms
- My mind remained undisturbed and peaceful throughout; gone was the endless repetition of negative and/or unhelpful thoughts
- I felt no "collateral resistance" to my practices or the usual interruptions to my schedule
If you are not in the state of either acceptance, enjoyment, or enthusiasm, look closely and you will find that you are creating suffering for yourself and others. — Eckhart Tolle
Honestly, I didn't really do anything — I just observed that the negative thoughts I had experienced the previous couple months, though I wasn't explicitly identifying with them, were nonetheless sapping my energy and creating subtle resistance elsewhere. I set the intention to be done with them and Grace permitted me the respite.
I would be lying if I said I weren't a bit excited to head home in six weeks, where I know I will be healthy and well-rested. Of course I will lose a lot of support in the trade, but I have to leave the nest some time. Maybe I can sneak Dhyanalinga on the plane...
Nothing troubles me. I offer no resistance to trouble - therefore it does not stay with me. On your side there is so much trouble. On mine there is no trouble at all. Come to my side. — Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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